20 years later in canada
by The Weatherwitch
Summary: FIRST FANFIC YAY! twenty years after marrying edward, leaving forks and turning into a vampire, it is bellas first day at high school again. the cullens now live in canada, what do they get up to? does someone discover their secret? R&R!
1. TOYOTAS

EPOV

'Come on Edward, high school again

'Come on Edward, high school again!' shouted the annoying little pixie sister of mine. I got up off my sofa where I was reading, and went to mine and Bella's wardrobe she was already in there and staring at the room of clothes it has been 20 years since Alice gave me and Bella the room of clothes as a wedding present and we still haven't got round to wearing everything. Anyway she was staring at the room of clothes an odd expression on her face. I rushed over at lightning speed to ask what the matter was she turned to meet me and asked 'ripped jeans or skirt?'

'Hmmm, ripped jeans I think and that pale blue t-shirt with the v-neck.'

'Yes that sounds good, but I'll add my tight black jacket. White and blue tennis shoes…' she trailed off and went to look for the items of clothing. I decided to wear my dark-blue-almost-black jeans and forest green, long sleeved shirt I grabbed my water-proof jacket and joined my Bella in the bedroom where she was waiting for me. We ran down the stairs vampire speed to my awaiting siblings.

'Bags I'm driving!' Emmett thundered the second we were all gathered

Did he always have to be so loud and obnoxious?

We pulled into the school car park and took one of the spaces closest to the buildings. All of us pilled out of the car, we had gotten a car especially for school it was a Toyota Previa with blacked out windows and seven seats so that we only had to take one car. As we made our way to the front office of the school some of the other kids started arriving. The usual thoughts occurred, Bella suffered with me…

_Oooh that guy is HOT…. _

_New girls, excellent! Time to get out the old charm…._

Thoughts like this were in every kids mind as they noticed us.

We collected our schedules from the middle aged secretary, Bella, Alice and I all had first hour English together and then second hour chemistry before meeting up at lunch after French and Spanish for Bella and Alice, and maths and phys ed. For me. We walked into the cafeteria and spotted Rosalie, Emmett and jasper already seated with untouched trays of food in front of them. After collecting our trays we made our way over to them.

'Are they scared of us yet?' asked Emmett. Bella answered for me.

'No. but they will be if that trashy blonde doesn't shut her mental yap!'

Emmett chuckled and went back to singing mama mia in his head.

Rosalie was thinking about what colour to paint her nails that evening, Alice was day-dreaming about her next shopping trip and jasper was remembering his newborn army days. Emmett changed the song in his head to Barbie girl mixed with sk8r boy, not a combination I would recommend. Just as we got up to dump our uneaten food, a black haired boy was ogling my Bella, I growled low and he quickly went back to his lunch but that didn't stop the thoughts.

'Eeeeeeew! Ew! Ew! Yuck!' Bella squeaked under her breath at the vulgarity of his thoughts, mainly concentrated on her cleavage. Emmett chuckled again as we swept out of the cafeteria. So there were people even _worse_ than mike Newton and Jacob black for their fantasies. I never thought that was possible. Still Canada was a beautiful place….


	2. i don't like this car

After being traumatised by that disgustingly sick minded child, all I could think was ew ewe w ew yuck eurgh blurgh ew

**Thank you for reviewing the last chapter! This is the next instalment I hope you like it! I'm sorry it took so long there was a bit of a mishap with the last thing I posted and I had to write this chapter all again. But here it is bigger and better than ever….I hope…enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight…sadly…**

BPOV

After being traumatised by that disgustingly sick minded child, all I could think was _ew ew ew ew yuck eurgh blurgh ew! _

Edward chuckled at my face. It only took one touch to create a mental communication link, so I brushed my hand briefly against his.

Bella: _shut up Edward!_

Edward: _ooh look who's moody!_

Bella: _I have every right to be moody his eyes were practically popping out their sockets staring at my chest!_

Edward: _true…_

_Bella: why was Emmett singing mama mia, Barbie girl and sk8ter boy?_

_Edward: because he is Emmett._

_Bella: hmmm….can we have a C.F.N. next week?_

_Edward: of course love._

_Bella: excellent…_

Edward and I made our way to biology, when we got to the class we sat at a pair of desks at the back of the class. About twenty seconds after we sat down the teacher came in, he prattled on about the new school year, blah blah blah. Then he took the register, looking up as each person answered. When he looked up at my name then Edwards he was stunned for a few moments then carried on with the roll-call. The work for the first lesson was_ incredibly_ boring; I was finished in two seconds flat then stared around the room aimlessly. I decided to see what was on every one else's mind.

Hmmm interesting. NOT! God this was so boring. Not one person in the whole room was in any way interesting, time to stir things up I think.

'What are you plotting Bella?' Edward murmured in my ear.

'I think its time to make a bit of mischief in here, I've finished my work and I'm so bored' I murmured back. He grinned at me and took my hand. I found jaspers mind and concentrated until I had full control of his power, then shielding Edward and I with my mind, send a wave of excitement into one part of the room, then lust into another part then hyperactivity into another part of the room. It was hilarious! One part of the room was chattering excitedly, the next lot were staring at each other, and the others were bouncing up and down in their seats in a perfect impression of Alice waiting to go shopping. Edward and I were sitting at the back of the class shaking with laughter, the teacher was just staring at the class in disbelief, one minute the class was perfectly behaved the next minute it was the exact opposite.

The class finished and Edward and I said or good byes until after school, I made my way to the computer suite, while he went of in the opposite direction.

I got to the class and went to sit at the back again; I was just daydreaming about my perfect angel when a shadow came over my desk.

'Yes?' I asked not even attempting to hide the venom in my voice; it was the staring boy from the cafeteria.

'Hi, I'm dom. What's your name?' he said looking from my chest to my face the whole time.

'I'm Bella, though it's not going to mean much to you.'

'Oh. Right. Well. I just. Was wondering if you-.' I cut him off;

'I'm not interested, so go take your sexual frustrations someplace else. Preferably away from my chest that your eyes seem to be glued to.'

The class burst out laughing, as he stormed off to his seat. The class went by very slowly and buy the time the bell went I was looking at the clock every 3 minutes. I walked quickly out of the classroom, to the car where everyone was to meet up. Us girls **(Rosalie Alice and Bella)** made a show of greeting the boys with a big kiss on the cheek and a hug. I could see Dom giving a death glare to Edward I just smirked to myself and accepted Edwards hand into the car.

'I don't like this car anymore.' Said Emmett.

'Fine, we'll just use the Volvo and the Vauxhall' I said

When we got home Edward was looking at me with desire in his eyes.

'I think we should go to the hotel love.' Was all he said before a suit case and both Edward and I were in the Aston martin heading to the nearest 5 star hotel with penthouse.

**A/N yay! Second chapter is finished! I hope you enjoyed it, I don't know when I will update but please review! For the sake of my sanity!**

**Thanx!**

**Weatherwitchxxx**


	3. sista!

A/N my computer lives

**A/N my computer lives! It' working again! Yay! So I here is the next chapter! Woooh!**

**Disclaimer: I own twilight!...damn it was just a dream…..**

**BPOV**

We sped towards the Maynard hotel at 170 mph, dodging other cars on the road and every speed camera. It was only 5:30 when we pulled into the front of the hotel. Edward chucked the keys at a valet after grabbing the suitcase out of the trunk.

'Good evening sir, madam. Do you have a reservation?' asked the desk man.

'No, but is the penthouse vacant?' asked Edward.

'Why, I do believe it is. Give me a moment to check.' He replied. We waited for a few second before the desk man said,

'Yes the penthouse is unoccupied, come right this way.'

After he led us to the elevator he gave us key cards and wished us a pleasant evening. We stepped off the elevator into a short corridor with a door to one side. I opened the door using my key card, and walked into a luxurious living area. There were large sofas grouped round a rectangular glass coffee table and a flat wide screen TV on the wall. The floor was wood with shag pile rugs randomly yet artfully placed around the room. Several doors led off of this room leading to the main bedroom with en-suite, large bathroom, mini kitchen and the second slightly smaller bedroom. In a flash I had my things from the suitcase in the bathroom; I didn't want Edward to see the things I had brought until I was ready. I heard him chuckle on the other side of the door. When I had changed into my lingerie I looked at myself in the full length mirror just to check how it looked. I wore a dark blue lacy bra with a mini silk bow in the middle and matching dark blue lacy knickers. My dressing gown was also dark blue but made of silk. I tied the sash and opened the door, I was half way to the king size four poster bed where Edward was lying when I noticed what he was wearing. I burst out laughing. He faked a hurt voice and said;

'Why are you laughing? Don't you like my leopard boxers?'

'Oh I like them very much Edward,' I replied 'I just think that the mini leopard head and tail are hilarious.' I burst out laughing again. He growled at me and said

'Shut up and come here.' I prowled towards the bed the crawled onto it towards him sitting in the middle. I locked my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately his smell and taste filling me completely. He returned the kiss and reached down to undo the loose knot that kept my dressing gown closed. His hands trailed up my body to my shoulders where he gently slid off my dressing gown so it hung off my elbows instead. My hands left his neck and travelled across his perfect chest. He flipped us so that he was kneeling above me with his knees either side of my hips and his hands either side of my head. Just at that moment Edwards's cell phone rang from the bedside table.

'What Alice?' he growled. I could hear her sing-song reply from where I lay.

'I just thought you might like to know that Emmet will burst in on you in exactly 37 seconds.'

'Thank you for the warning Alice.' He said as he got up off the bed and snapped the phone shut.

'Damn Emmett' was all he said. We were both in jeans and shirts and cuddled up on the sofa when Emmett burst through the door with an apologetic Rosalie behind him.

'Hey Eddie! Hey little sista!' came Emmett's booming voice.

'Don't call me Eddie.' Edward growled at Emmett with an extremely annoyed look on his face.

'Whatever. Rose and I came up here because we thought you might like to have some fun!' the look on Rosalie's face made me think it was really all Emmett's Idea.

But, oh god! What was Emmett planning?!

**A/N dun dun duuuuuuuuun! So that is that chapter finished please please please review and give me your ideas on what Emmett's idea is! I'm not sure what it will be so I need your help on this! Thank you so much for reading! Please review and give me ideas! **

**weatherwitchxxx**


	4. i don't like fakes

Hi everyone I'm so sorry it has taken so long please don't send the pitch forks

**Thanks to all those who reviewed **

**Hi **e**veryone I'm so sorry it has taken so long please don't send the pitch forks!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight**

Bpov

'Oh no! No no no Emmett, whatever your idea of fun entails count us out!' I shouted as I stood up.

'Awwww come on little sista, you gotta come.' Whined Emmett.

Then Alice and jasper arrived, Alice skipped over to my side and touched my hand, being her sister for twenty years means I knew what she wanted, I nodded and created a mental link. She showed me her vision and a grin crept across my face. She grinned back at me as she let go off my hand.

'ok come on people! Lead the way Emmett!' I said.

'WHAT?!' Edward shouted staring at me in shock.

'Come on Eddie it will be fun!' I replied giggling to myself at his reaction to this and the use of his nickname, skipping out the door after Alice.

We parked the Aston, porche and Ferrari in the club car park, even though it charged 12 an hour and there were only 5 spaces, and walked to the door past the line of people that went all the way down the street to the next club, six shops down. As we walked by everybody there stared at our beauty, but many were chatting to friends. As we went by one such group a girl with black hair and purple streaks said to her friend

'Hey! They're cutting the line! They're no better than us and we've been here for an hour already!'

Alice rose and I turned to face her as one. Rose spoke first,

'Of course we're better than you look at us and look at you!' she scoffed.

I had to admit rose was right; Alice had seen this coming and brought us fabola outfits. I wore a black corset top with red detailing, black skinny jeans and blood red 3 inch stiletto heels. I also wore a black choker with ruby that Edward had gotten me for our tenth anniversary. Alice wore a pink halter crop top, black frilly mini-skirt and pink works of art on her feet. Rose's dress was a strapless teal silk creation. The top half clung to her body while the bottom skimmed her hips and floated. Her stilettos and handbag were a darker shade of the same colour. On the other hand the girl was wearing a pair of to tight jeans that gave her a muffin-top and a silvery shirt with two buttons done up and tied in a knot exposing her stomach. Yep rose was definitely right.

The girl blushed deep crimson and put her hands on her hips. Alice and I burst out laughing.

'Come on girls' said Rosalie and using her as a support we made our way to the door.

Emmett led us to a table in a secluded spot of the upstairs and sat in a booth. He began

'Now for the fun!...TRUTH OR DARE!! Well more like dare or dare coz you can't pick truth! Mwa ha ha ha ha!'

'Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!' squealed Alice.

Both Edward and jasper looked horrified.

'Ok I'll go first,' said Emmett 'Edward….I dare you to chat up a waitress then walk away suddenly!'

Edward growled and to my surprise agreed.

'Fine, I'll do it!'

EPOV

_Damn Emmett! He keeps singing that Barbie girl/sk8r boy mix to keep me out of his head!_

We got into the club with no trouble and Emmett led us to a booth in a secluded upstairs corner. When we had all sat down he spoke,

'Now for the fun!...TRUTH OR DARE!!' _oh god nooooooooo!_ 'Well more like dare or dare coz you can't pick truth! Mwa ha ha ha ha!'

'Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!' squealed Alice.

Bella and rose looked indifferent but jaspers horrified expression mirrored my own. Emmett spoke again,

'Ok I'll go first…Edward…I dare you to chat up a waitress then walk away suddenly!'

I growled, _how dare he pick me! But then again it could have been worse…_

'Fine I'll do it'

I stalked off and found a blonde waitress on the opposite side of the club, she smiled at me and said,

'Hi, I'm Nadia is there _anything_ I can help you with?'

She was practically screaming in her head and the way she emphasised the anything was positively vulgar I suppressed a shudder and replied.

'Hi I'm Tommy, what time do you get off?'

She giggled and answered '9 o'clock why?'

'Just wandering…is blonde your natural hair colour?'

'No I was a brunette,'

'Oh sorry I don't like fakes' I said as I walked off.

When I got back to the table everyone was laughing their heads off.

'Right now it's my turn…Alice…'

APOV

_Oh god! He picked me I wish Bella would stop blocking my visions!_

'Alice,' Edward began' break the heels off your shoes! Ha!'

'What?! Noooooooooooo! These are one of a kind!'

_Why would he make me do that?! He knows how much I love these shoes!_

'I'll do the forfeit' I said without thinking and in desperation.

Bella and Rosalie turned to me after a couple of minutes of mental communication and Rosalie spoke,

'Alice Cullen, once you have chosen the forfeit there is no turning back, do you understand and swear not to moan, whinge or otherwise refuse to comply?'

'Yes yes I swear' I said impatiently.

'Haha!' Shouted Bella 'then take of your top and throw it onto the dance floor!'

_**What?!**_

'And you have to go around like that for the rest of the night.' Added Rosalie

**Ok that was chapter 4 what do you think? I have to thank all of the people who reviewed and also my friends and my sort of co writer chibiroxaschan (thanks also to allana)**

**Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease review! **

**weatherwitchxxx**


	5. jasper the coward

Ok people

**Ok people! I have managed to negotiate a deal with my parents I can go on the computer for 1 hour a day. So my chapters are gonna be pretty short, but hey, it better than nothing right?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any recognisable characters all the rest is mine!**

**APOV**

_Now who will I dare?...hmmmm…rosalie!_

Edward looked at me smirking

_Get out of my head Edward!_

He rolled his eyes and looked away

_Now back to dare planning…eureka! I have it!_

"I am going to dare Rosalie!" I said whilst bouncing in my seat. Rose's face fell but then re-arranged into set determination.

"ok here we go." I said making sure Jaz was between me and rose.

"Rosalie, for the next three weeks Edward and jasper have to pick out your clothes and make-up for school!"

**RPOV**

"Rosalie for the next three weeks Edward and jasper have to pick out your clothes and make-up for school"

I stared at her in shock.

_Noooooooooooooooooooo! Anything but that! I saw what happened with Edward and Emmett! No way can I go through that!_

"can I help?" asked Emmett hopefully. I smacked his head and he went,

"owwwwwwwwww! That hurt! what was that for anyway?!"

"your supposed to be my supportive husband! Stop taking their side! Anyway im no scaredy cat so ill do it!" thay stared at me in shock before bella broke the silence,

"ok rose its your turn, who are you going to dare?"

"im going to dare jasper. For the next three years you must hug Emmett EVERY DAY in PUBLIC for at least 10 seconds!"

**JPOV**

_Holy shit! Every day?! IN PUBLIC! Im not a coward…..im NOT a coward…to hell with that! Yes I am! Pull yourself together man! It can't be that bad…._

I looked at Emmett, he was grinning madly…

_Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Snap out of it damnit1 ok1 I will get him back! Now who to dare…well that's obvious, it has to be bella so she can dare Emmett…_

"ok bella, for the rest of this week, starting tomorrow and ending Friday, you have to eat a proper lunch of human food at school."

Bella nodded and seemed to accept her fate.

**Like I said its short, anyway pleeeeease review! It is the highlight of my day when I get reviews. Also I am thinking up a new story that came to me during my maths class so watch out for that!**

**Pleeeease review!**

**Thanx**

**weatherwitchxxx**


	6. emmetts gay image

**Hey guys! I'm sooooooooooooooo sorry! I know it has taken ages for me to update this but there is no cure for writers block. Feel free to send pitchforks but read this first and see if you like it. My humblest and most sincerererest apologies (that was spelt wrong on purpose) pleeeeeeeeeease review!**

**Disclaimer: do I still need to do these? Fine I do not own twilight**

**On with the chapter!**

**BPOV**

I nodded; this would be unpleasant but not unbearable. It was my turn to dare and I only had one choice. Emmett.

"Emmett for the rest of the month, you may only wear pink. Pink trousers, pink boxers, pink shirts, socks, shoes, P.E. stuff, jacket, EVERYTHING you wear MUST be pink." He groaned.

"But Bella…" Rosalie cut in,

"Shut up Emmett you brought this on yourself! This game was your idea!"

It was then I noticed Alice was missing.

"Uhhhhhhhh? Guys? Where's Alice?" I asked. Jasper held up a folded piece of paper.

"It says Bella on it and was on her seat." I reached across and took the paper from jaspers grasp then read it aloud,

"Dear Bella and everyone else,

If you are reading this then you have noticed my absence, I am off to buy Emmett's new all pink wardrobe – oooooooooh! It only took you 34 seconds to realise I was gone! Thanks Bella! - I've taken the porche so can someone give jazzy a ride home? I will meet you at the house.

Alice xxx."

The six of us stood at the door. Emmett was wearing a bright pink tracksuit and baby pink converse. Rosalie was a rainbow, red tights, a purple leather mini-skirt, orange tank-top, dark green bolero cardigan and black dock martins with turquoise laces.

Edward, Alice, Jasper and I burst out laughing. Rosalie sighed and Emmett crossed his arms and scowled. It just made us laugh harder.

We split up, Boys in Edwards Volvo and Girls in my Vauxhall. When we reached school, everyone stared at us. I heard someone whisper to her fried "oh well. It's always the buff ones that turn out gay." We were shaking with laughter while Emmett ground his teeth.

"Guys! OHMYGOD! GUESSWHAT?" Alice squealed all at once.

"What?" we asked in unison

"There's a dance type thingy this Friday! We are sooooooo most definitely going!" she looked at our faces "uhhhh ummmmm see ya!" she ran off at human speed, before any of us could get our hands on her.

At lunch it was hilarious. Jasper and Emmett exchanged venomous looks then full-filled the hug dare for that dare. People were sniggering around the room and I whispered to Alice, Edward and Rosalie

"Oooooooooh! The wonders this is doing for Emmett's gay image!"

"Shut up, pipsqueak!" he growled at me. I just laughed

"Like you would do anything Emmett, I can kick your sorry ass and you know it!"

He huffed and crossed his arms, glaring at the wall.

The week went by uneventfully, as I expected the 'eat human food' dare was unpleasant but not unbearable. We weren't planning to stay at this dance very long but this was just too funny! Emmett and Rosalie were twirling in the middle of the dance floor looking equally ridiculous. Emmett was wearing a hot pink tuxedo and baby pink shirt while Rosalie was wearing a HUGE peach poofy dress with riffled sleeves and everything. Earlier that evening as we were just about to leave Rosalie asked Emmett

"Em, does my butt look big in this?" and in typical Emmett fashion answered completely truthfully and sincerely,

"yes Rosalie! Your ass is so big I don't know if we can fit in the car! You might have to walk…" rose hit him.

"I'm sorry I asked! I think we may need to bring safety specs for everyone at school! They might be blinded by Emmett the walking highlighter!"

The rest of us were watching this and shaking with laughter. Again.

"do you think it's time to put Emmett and rose out of their misery and head home?" Edward asked me.

"hmmmmmmm maybe just a few more minutes."

**Alright I know it's short but as I said there is no cure for writers block and that's all I got. Pleeeeeeeease review! Pleeeeeeeeeease?!**

**Weatherwitch.X.x.X.**


	7. emmetts birthday

**Hey guys! I thought I would post this just before Christmas as my present from me to you! I was talking with my friends when this came to us (me and roxas) so I hope you enjoy and happy Christmas!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own twilight the fabulous Stephanie Meyer does**

**BPOV**

"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?!"

"NO Emmett! It has only just gone midnight! You are not opening your birthday presents until 8 o'clock and that's final!" Esme shouted

"Awwwwwwww but muuuuuum!" Emmett moaned

"I said that's FINAL! Now go play with Rose or something!" Esme replied as she walked away to tend to her garden. Emmett huffed as he threw himself onto the sofa. I laughed,

"Don't worry Emmett it's only another EIGHT hours!" I ran off to meet Alice as he growled profanities from where he sat.

**APOV**

Bella came running laughing her head as she climbed the tree to our super extraordinary top most secret base of operations a.k.a. a tree house up a reeeeeeeeeally tall tree 25 miles from our house. I had decided to let Rose in on the plot as it was _her _husband we were targeting. Bella looked shocked as she noticed Rose lounging on one of the five sofas, but recovered in an instant.

"Hey girls! I'm guessing you're in on this Rose?" she greeted. A wicked grin spread across her face,

"Of course my sisters!" she said this waggling her eyebrows and interlocking her fingers to lean on the arm of the sofa. Bella laughed,

"Brilliant Rose! You were the one thing I wasn't sure about in this whole thing. Now to the final details!" she said.

Oh my gosh I soooooooooo can't wait! This will be the best revenge ever!

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! It's 8 o'clock! I can open my presents!" yelled Emmett the _second_ the hand hit the twelve. I rolled my eyes and danced down the stairs hand in hand with jazz. Bella winked at me and I winked back, giving the sign to Rose also. Jazz looked at me weirdly and whispered,

"Do I even want to know?"

"It's best if we keep you as innocent as possible jazz so your answer is no, you don't." I answered. He gave me another weird look. Then paid attention to the big present opening.

"Emmett," I said "one of your presents from me, Bella and rose is outside, can you open that one first?" I asked

"Sure sure what ever you say pixie."

"As it is your birthday I will let you call me that but do it tomorrow and you're dead!" he laughed as the whole family walked out to the front where a suspiciously car-shaped package wrapped in green striped paper sat.

"Oh my god! I can't believe you got me a car! Thank you so much!" he squealed.

"Uhhh…Emmett? I think the pink is rubbing off on you…" said Bella

"Oh….yeah…."

He ran towards it, ripping off the paper. There were four slight thumps as the cardboard hit the ground leaving a boxed toy car selotaped to the bottom. Everyone except Emmett was practically dieing with laughter, or at least we would have been if we weren't already dead. Once we recovered Rose said,

"Yes! I got the whole thing on tape!"

"I got the picture of his face before and after!" added Bella.

"You guys are horrible I can't believe you did this to me!" he wailed.

"Well believe it pal, they did and they got you good!" Edward choked out still laughing. Then Jasper spoke,

"Hey Emmett look on the bright side, it's a windy car so at least it moves."

"I suppose…" Emmett replied "OH! I ALMOST FORGOT! MY OTHER PRESENTS!" he shouted as he barged into the house.

**EMPOV**

I still can't believe the girls did that to me! The other presents I got were a load of games for all my consoles; my wii, xbox 360, psp, ps2, ps3, DS lite and the computer from Carlisle and Esme, four demolition derby tickets from Edward, five veto tickets (five days where I can wear 1 item that's not pink) from Bella, three shopping veto tickets from Alice, a paintballing season pas for eight from jasper and a new paint job for my monster truck courtesy of my wife. All in all an alright birthday all things considered.

"Hey Emmett, have you seen the girls?" asked Edward

"Nope sorry man, thanks for the demolition derby tickets by the way!"

"No problem! Hey Jasper have you seen the girls?"

"No sorry…have you noticed how they keep disappearing? It's kind of weird." He replied.

"Yeah I have noticed, now that you mention it, I wonder what they're up to..." I said

"Shall we find out?" Edward asked a now evil smirk replacing his confused expression

"Yes, I think we shall." I said mirroring his expression.

We followed their most recent scent until it branched out in a load of different directions; we then split up, each of us following our own wives scent. They all came to the same point a group of trees surrounding a HUGE oak. It was about 10 meters wide and roughly 8 or 9 stories high. When you looked closely there were tiny indents. Handholds, perfect for a vampire.

"Can you hear any thoughts?" I asked Edward

"No either they have left already or Bella is shielding them." He replied

"Lets find out then," said jasper as he started to climb the tree at vampire speed. Their scents led us all the way to the top of the tree where it was flat, like a roof top and surrounded by out reaching branches creating a wall around it. The top was about 5 meters wide and there were telltale signs. The big squishy 3 piece sofa suite and coffee table being the most obvious.

"The truth is revealed, we have discovered our wives' secret hideout. Problem is I don't see any plans of mass destruction of the Emmett." I said.

"oh well we'll just have to catch them next time. C'mon we'll make up our own plans. Operation green banana is now in motion, we WILL catch them." Said Edward.

_This doesn't sound like Edward!_ I thought

"yeah well you always seem to be having fun. I want to see what it's like being Emmett for a bit." He said.

**BPOV**

I printed off the photos and pinned them on the 'operation fluffy pink teddy' pin board, or the FPT board for short. I was just sitting down when alice started swearing.

"shit shit SHIT! The boys are on their way! They think we're up to something! and the fact that we are is beside the point Rose" she whispered, growling the last part just as Rose opened her mouth. I spoke,

"ok guys! Enough. As long as you both came in the proper way we should be fine."

"of course I did." Replied alice

"yep me too," said Rose

"then we'll be fine, just use your ears and sit absolutely still." I instructed.

"they reached the separation point" whispered alice a few minutes later.

They cam into hearing range after another minute, we sat there in silence for the whole of their conversation on our roof. When they finally left it was a relief.

"thank god they're gone!" said Rosalie "so what's our next plan for operation FPT?" she asked

"well…" I said

**Well that's it! I hope you liked it! Happy Christmas everyone!**

**Big thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter (although there weren't many of you) and preview for all who review this chapter!**

**Weatherwitch.X.x.X.**

**p.s. there is a new auther out there called ****weatherwitch **** so just so you know the difference, I am the one with the ****.X.x.X.**** at the end RMEMBER THAT!**


	8. the condom fairy

**Here is the next chapter! I know it has taken AGES but I hope you enjoy this**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight**

BPOV

"No wait! Never mind about that," she grinned mischievously "we are going to Wal-Mart!" she cackled.

We all piled into the cars, we had even managed to talk Esme and Carlisle into this on the condition we went out of town to do this. Thanks to the crazy Cullen driving we were in the Wal-Mart 3 towns over within half an hour.

"We'll start with the standard stuff," said Alice "who wants to be the condom fairy?" she giggled. Emmett stuck his hand up and jumped up and down

"Me! Me!" I think the pink was getting to him again.

Emmett headed to the condom isle while we followed him at various distances so he was in sight at all times. Leaving Emmett to his own devices is not a good idea, especially in walmart. He grabbed about fifteen boxes of different types and headed off.

EmPOV

Excellent! I grabbed fifteen random boxes off the shelves and headed off down the isle. I spotted my first target within a few seconds. A young boy, about 14, shopping with his mother and looking utterly bored. When both of them were looking the other way I walked past and slipped the first box into the troly underneath some smoked salmon. I carried on walking and again used my awesome powers to slip two boxes into and old pensioners cart. As I walked down the fruit and veg isle I saw a couple argueing, I slipped anther few boxes in but before I gotto the end of the isle they were found.

"and what are these?!" shrieked the woman, "you know I hate the mint flavour and the strawberry ones! I knew there was another woman! Goodbye jeff!" she stomped off and the guy was just staring after her. I chuckled again. The rest of my victims were so easy I could have done it in my sleep. If I could sleep. I headed to the others in the next isle. "done. Who next?" I asked.

APOV

"well since Carlisle and esme have never done this before I think they shold have a go. Carlisle, go up to a warker and say in your most official voice, say code 3 at the pharmacy. We'll be close by to see what he does." I instructed. I saw what would happen already and giggled.

CPOV

I walked up to a guy who was labelling the pasta and tapped his shoulder. He turned round and looked at me.

"code three in pharmacy." I said in my official tone. His eyes widened and he ran of muttering cuss words under his breath. My wife and children came out from behind a nearby display laughing.

"that was brilliant Carlisle!" laughed Bella, I smiled back.

"now for Esme's turn, you know where the toilets are?" asked bella, my wife nodded. "go to the toilets and when no-one is looking switch the signs on the doors."

EsPOV

I giggled and walked to the customer toilets, I had to wait ten minutes for the coast to be clear. I pulled the signs off the doors and switched them round, I walked away as if I was totally innocent to my cackling family.

"okay we are going to split up now, jazz, bella, Edward and I are one group and Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and esme are the other group. Do as many of these as you can." Said alice as she handed us a sheet of paper and a walkie talkie. I watched as alice, jasper, bella and Edward walked off.

"and the fun begins…" muttered Emmett.

EPOV

We walked off, I looked at the list.

challenge other customers to duels with gift wrap

leave cryptic messages on type writers

re-dress the mannequins as you see fit

walk up to complete strangers and say "hi! I havent seen you for so long! How are you?!" and see if they play along

when walking through the clothing/jewelry department ask yourself/friend loudly "whoi buys this junk anyway?"

leave a trail of ketchup to the toilets

hide in the clothing racks and when people walk by jump out and squeal "pick me pick me!"

Randomly throw things over to neibouring isles

hum the mission impossible theme tune really lodly whilst darting around suspiciously

when someone comes up to you and asks if you need help begin to cry and say "why can't you people just leave me alone?" especially effective if your boyfriend/girlfriend hugs you and glares at them

"what shall we do first?" asked jasper…

**I know I know it's short but im being kicked off the computer now and I wanted to update at least ONCE this month.**

**Thanks to;**

**Anne kingsmill**

**Erva**

**Hatlix**

**Honey**

**Julessssssss**

**Amenokyoku**

**Stregoni-benefici**

**Lovebee**

**Sammyluvr83**

**Who all reviewed the last chapter!**

**Weatherwitch.X.x.X.**


	9. where's the ketchup?

**Here we are! The next chapter! Lol lots of people said they couldn't wait to see how they did the things on the list…well here ya go! **

**I hope you enjoy this.**

**I have another story as well as this so, if you have time can you have an R&R of that? Thankies!**

**BPOV**

"Can we do number 8, 'randomly throw things over into neibouring isles'?" I asked.

"Sure! That sounds fun!" Edward said, the others nodded.

We were in the confectionary isle, so I grabbed a tube of smarties and lobbed it over the side of the isle. There was a muffles rustle as if it had landed in a trolley,

"Damn! You missed!" exclaimed jasper, we laughed. We skipped a few isles and ended up in the cleaning materials isle. Edward picked up a bottle of washing up liquid and chucked it.

"Ow! What the hell?!" a voice shouted.

We burst out laughing.

"Okay enough, let's do…number one!" squealed Alice.

We headed to the special occasions isle. Edward, Jasper and I pretended to browse the cards while Alice selected a tube of gift wrap. She made her choice, pink and shiny (**there's** a surprise…) and looked around the isle for her first target.

A girl of about 14 was walking down the isle, not looking for anything in particular it seemed. Alice pounced.

"En guard!" she shouted whilst brandishing the gift wrap tube. The girl laughed and grabbed her own tube, pointing it back at Alice. Alice giggled and they started a mock fight. Alice poked the girl in the stomach and the girl laughed again, clutching her stomach and playing dead. A woman walked purposefully down the isle towards the girl,

"Amelia! What **are** you doing?! Come this way at **once**!" she ordered. Amelia looked back apologetically as she was dragged off.

**JPOV**

We were having quite a bit of fun, for once. When Alice and Bella had done number 5 'walk through the clothing or jewellery department whilst saying loudly to a friend "who buys this junk anyway?"' everyone immediately pretended they weren't looking at the stuff. It was really funny. I did number 7, I hid in a rack of clothes and waited for about five minutes before someone came over and started looking through the clothes. I jumped out,

"Pick me! Pick me!" I shouted. The woman ran away screaming. I wasn't **that** scary was I? Edward laughed.

"No you're not jasper. She was just shocked. Now where is the ketchup?

**I know! Reeeeeeeeally short! Im sorry but I PROMISE the next chapter will be longer!**

**Please review! They make me smile XD**


	10. There there Emmypoo

**HI! sorry I know it has taken aaaaaaaaaaaages but I had serious writers block. Here we are though the next chapter!**

**Recap of last chapter:**

_A girl of about 14 was walking down the isle,_

_Alice pounced._

"_En guard!" she shouted whilst brandishing the gift wrap tube._

_* _

"_Amelia! What **are** you doing?! Come this way at **once**!"_

_*_

_I wasn't **that** scary was I? Edward laughed. _

"_No you're not jasper. She was just shocked. Now where is the ketchup?" _

_**JPOV**_

"Why do you want ketchup?" I asked him puzzled.

"To do number six, duh." he replied as if I was stupid.

"Which is...?" asked Bella.

"Simple, leave a trail of ketchup tot the toilets." He answered his wife, I felt the love rolling off and gagged.

"Can you two do that somewhere else please?" they both glared at me, Alice took my hand and lead us down the isle and along a bit. She grabbed a huge bottle of squeezy Heinz tomato ketchup and handed it to Edward. He opened up the bottle and began making a trail of ketchup, smearing it to look like something bloody had been dragged along the isle. It was quite realistic with the red footprints he left after stepping in some of the ketchup. As he was busy doing this I asked my beautiful Alice if I could see the list.

"Sure jazz," was her reply.

challenge other customers to duels with gift wrap - check

leave cryptic messages on type writers

re-dress the mannequins as you see fit

Walk up to complete strangers and say "hi! I haven't seen you for so long! How are you?!" and see if they play along

When walking through the clothing/jewellery department ask yourself/friend loudly "who buys this junk anyway?" - check

leave a trail of ketchup to the toilets – in progress

Hide in the clothing racks and when people walk by jump out and squeal "pick me pick me!" - check

Randomly throw things over to neighbouring isles - check

hum the mission impossible theme tune really loudly whilst darting around suspiciously

when someone comes up to you and asks if you need help begin to cry and say "why can't you people just leave me alone?" especially effective if your boyfriend/girlfriend hugs you and glares at them

We had done four of the ten so far and were in the middle of the fifth, this was quite fun, we only did this once every five years or so and every time was different, for example, last time we did this, Emmett broke the kiddy's ride outside the doors and was escorted of the premises, he was banned from the Seattle walmart as punishment. Pfft, more like reward. Edward snorted as he heard my thoughts. Alice and Bella were getting bored, so I decide to entertain them. Alice giggle as she saw my intentions, I crouched slightly, imitating a spy, and started humming

"dum, dum, dumdum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum,dumdum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Dididoo didioo dididoo du do!" mission impossible really was a good movie. I was running round the shop at human speed, actually trying to look suspicious. The girls were laughing, sufficiently distracted from their boredom. After doing this for a god few minutes, Edward having finished his ketchup trail came to watch too, was attracting quite a bit of attention, including staff members. I got bored so just suddenly stopped and walked off. Alice, Edward and Bella were laughing, we were walking down the next isle talking about what to do next when Alice's eyes glazed over.

"What is it? What do you see?" I asked her.

"A man is looking at computers or laptops for sale when a piece of pipe above falls down, he is bleeding and our secret is exposed!" she cried. Then for some odd reason, Bella was grinning.

"Well don't you see? This is a perfect way to do number 2! except it's n laptops not typewriters...do they even sell typewriters any more?" she explained. Alice jumped onto Bella and hugged her,

"Bella you are a genius!" she exclaimed. Alice hopped off Bella and ran at human speed to the electronics isle. She looked for the right computer and typed in a message, it read;

_go to the computer 4 steps that way, _

_do it NOW!_

Then she moved to a computer further down the row and typed in;

_you're welcome! _

She was running from computer to computer for about 3 minutes, we just stood and watched her, Edward occasionally gave her an idea but apart from that we just let her do it. Once she finished we went into the end of the isle, to observe from around the corner. When the guy in Alice's vision came, all our heads were peeking round. He read the first part of the first message and I could feel the confusion coming off him, the he read the 'do it NOW', his eyes widened and he immediately did as Alice had written. The second he was out of the way, the huge piece of pipe landed exactly where he had been standing. His confusion turned to alarm as he stared at the pipe, then he noticed the message on the screen of the computer he was standing in front of, he read the 'you're welcome' and gave a little 'heh' before walking off in a daze. Edward was chuckling from behind me so I turned round and asked him what was so funny.

"That guy, well he is thanking the psychic laptop in his head as he walks." we all started laughing

"Hey guys I'm getting tired of this, can we go home yet?" whined Bella. Alice nodded,

"Come on, let's go find the others." she agreed. As we walked I asked my angel a question,

"Alice, do the others have the same list as us?"

"No, theirs is similar, they have some of the same but most are different from us." was her reply. I nodded and we kept on walking. When we were about halfway to the other side of the shop, we heard someone, who sounded like Emmett, whining, we backtracked and looked down the isle to see what was happening. Emmett was kneeling on the floor, fake sobbing.

"Why can't you people just leave me alone?!" he cried, at the flustered shop assistant. Rosalie glared at the girl the crouched down next to Emmett and pretended to console him,

"There there Emmy-poo, the silly girl didn't mean it, she isn't one of those perverted ones like in our last city, at least, I don't think she is..." Rosalie trailed off and Emmett pretend sobbed even harder.

"Hey Emmett! Hey Rose! We're heading home now, you coming?" shouted Bella, Emmett immediately stopped crying and got up,

"Sure!" called back Emmett, walking past the now very confused assistant. As she looked at our group, her eyes widened, Edward winced, no doubt at this girl's thoughts. Carlisle and Esme had already joined us during Emmett's performance.

"Well, that was fun." I commented once we had piled into the cars again. Everyone laughed and we sped off home.

**Well i know it is quite short, but it's something right? And i know haven't updated allot in i don't even know how long, but life has been pretty busy and i honestly didn't know what to write. So yer....anyway pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaase review?!**


	11. I Need Sunglasses

**So here is the next chapter! Sooner than I updated last time isn't it! ^.^**

**well on with the story!**

**BPOV**

We headed out the door to school, the girls in my Vauxhall, the boys in Edward's Volvo. Emmett was wearing a neon pink form-fitting tee-shirt, blue jeans and pink and white converse trainers. I could hear Jasper's thoughts from the car in front.

_Ahhhh! My eyes! They shall never get used to the torture! I need sunglasses! URGENTLY!_

I giggled, Rose's outfit was actually quite cool. Odd thigh high striped socks that looked like rainbows, a black floofy mini-skirt, and a white top with a blouse effect.

We reached the school and people were shading there eyes to look at Emmett in all his neon glory. We went through classes, as normally as possible, at lunch I grabbed random food items and paid before siting down at the table we had claimed as ours. Emmett and Jasper got their hug out of the way before sitting down. Geez life was boring. Again afternoon classes went without incident. B-O-R-I-N-G! I think we need to stir things up...

-in the super extraordinary top most secret base of operations-

"Well what's our next plan?" I asked. Rose, Alice and I sat in silence for a few minutes...

"Do you think there is a gay community in this town, it **is **a bit bigger than Forks." inquired Alice. Rose and I looked at her, slightly weirded out.

"Probably...why?" I replied warily.

"Well people already think he is gay, why don't we monopolize on that? Phone up some people and set up some dates, then get pictures of his reaction." she elaborated.

Silence.

Rose and I burst into laughter.

"Alice you are a genius!" I managed to get out between laughs. Rose nodded her head in enthusiasm as she carried on giggling.

RPOV

"Emmy, I want to go out...you've never taken me out t a restaurant EVER!" I whined at my husband. He looked confused,

"Why do you want to go to a restaurant? It's not as if you can eat anything." he replied from the couch where he was sitting playing on the Xbox.

"It's the principle, people won't believe you're my boyfriend in school unless they see us out every once I n a while. Can't we just go and sit in that nice place down town?" I whined, he sighed.

"Fine, how about 8 tonight?" he gave in. I looked at my watch, 5:47,

"Yeah that's great Emmy! I'll meet you there." I grinned as I left the room, Alice had it all already set up as she had a vision. Now all that was left to do is set up the equipment.

***

After spraying on tons of perfume so Emmett wouldn't recognise our scent, we hid in the boot next to where Emmett would sit, he would be facing us so we got a clear view with the camera. The guy we had set up for Emmett walked through the door and sat down with his back against the booth wall, now we could only hear him unless we looked over the booth wall. Emmett walked in a few minutes later and dawdled to the table looking distracted, he slumped into the booth on the other side from his 'date'. We sneaked a tiny video camera and a stop frame animation camera.

We listened for what would happen.

"Rosalie...is there something you're not telling me?" he asked warily. His 'date' man giggled,

"No silly! I'm not Rosalie! I'm Kent!" he said cheerily.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." Emmett screamed and ran out the restaurant.

"What did I do?" Kent wondered aloud. We couldn't remember ever laughing so hard.

**Yeah I know short but as stated above, quicker than last time.**

**Please review. **


	12. Poor Tree What Have I Done!

**Wooo so chapter 12...enjoy!**

**BPOV**

We ran out of the restaurant laughing, and went straight to the super extraordinary top most secret base of operations, I downloaded the pictures and the video onto the computer, we printed off the best pictures and pinned them to the F.P.T. (fluffy pink teddy) board. Then we uploaded the video on to youtube and sent Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme and ourselves the link from an email address that we had just made up. Then Alice had a vision.

"Yay! There's going to be thunder tonight! Quick lets go get the boys! Oh, don't forget to pick up some of the shopping bags so they don't suspect us." we did that then ran to the house.

"We stashed the bags in our rooms then went to the living room to find everybody staring at laptop and computer screens.

"Watcha doing?" Alice asked perkily. They simply pointed at the screens.

They were watching the video.

We burst out laughing as we watched it.

"Never mind about that, it's gonna thunder in about 3 hours, who's up fr a game of base-ball?" Alice asked. There was a round of 'yeahs' so we went to get changed and waited for a couple of hours. We ran to the clearing me following the other Cullens as I had never been to this one before, the trees thinned abruptly and I was shocked to see a wide clearing almost exactly like the one in Forks.

"Do you have one of these near EVERY one of your houses?" I asked shocked slightly.

"Yes." Jasper answered simply. I shook my head and helped make the bases.

The teams were Edward, Jasper and Rosalie versus Alice, Emmett and Carlisle. Esme and I decided to sit out this game and referee. Once the thunder began, so did we.

Alice pitched the ball and Rosalie swung at it, it went zooming into the forest,

"I got it! I got it!" shouted Emmett.

CRASH!

"Oh no! Poor tree what have I done?!" we all heard from the forest, and cracked up laughing. Oh how I loved Alice's visions, we had that on camera now too.

Rosalie got in a comfortable home run and we waited fr Emmett to come back with the ball. He did eventually and handed it to Alice. Jasper battered up and Alice pitched, Jasper sent the ball high into the air, and ran he reached third base before he had to stop.

"Damn!" he cursed. The game went on. Once the teams had swapped around a few times we were still in good spirits.

A twig snapped, normally this wouldn't have bothered us but a gasp followed after it. All our heads turned to the noise. We scented the air.

A human!

"Aw man! Now we have to move again!" whined Emmett.

"Come out child," sighed Carlisle. A girl stepped out from the woods. It was the girl from Wal-mart! Amelia I think.

"I knew you weren't human, I knew it. There was no way you could have been. So the question is, _what_ are you?" she mused to herself as she walked towards us.

"Maybe you should come to our house and we can explain?" I suggested.

"Yes, that would be nice... if it's all right with all of you?" Amelia looked unsure.

Rose looked resigned and slightly pissed.

Edward was curious.

Alice was...Alice and being a hyperactive pixie girl.

Emmett was between excited and annoyed that we would have to move again.

Esme looked worried fr the girl.

Jasper was working on keeping his blood-lust under control,

and Carlisle was politely interested.

I offered to run her back to the house, and the others agreed.

"Climb on my back and close your eyes." I instructed Amelia.

She looked way but did as I said.

We were sitting around in the living room, Amelia perched on a chair by herself.

"So...what are you?" she asked.

"Vampires, we are vampires."Carlisle answered. She gasped sharply.

"No we don't get burned by the sun." Edward answered the question in her mind, she looked at him strangely.

"I can read minds." he answered her again. Her eyes widened.

"Anyway," I said loudly, "we have super-speed as you saw, super-strength, super sensitive senses and some of us have extra powers. But the question now is, what now?" I explained to her.

"Simple, I want to be one of you." she answered. There was a stunned silence before Carlisle spoke out.

"No absolutely not, we cannot take your life from you, you will just have to keep this secret and hope you never meet the Volturi." said Carlisle in doctor/head of family mode. Amelia laughed bitterly.

"Ha! What life? I just found I have terminal kidney cancer!" she choked out.

Another stunned silence.

"I will examine you, then we will decide. Come with me." said Carlisle. They were gone for two hours, when they finally came back from the Hospital, Carlisle looked sombre.

"Yes she does." was his simple answer to our unasked question. I sighed and Esme turned to the girl.

"Is this truly what you want? You won't be able to e around humans for decades, you will be confined to the earth for eternity and you will never be able to have children." Esme told the girl.

"Yes. I was told I would die before my sixteenth birthday. This is just speeding up the inevitable." she grinned.

"How old are you Amelia?" Rosalie asked.

"15, my birthday was seven months ago." our eyes widened, this girl had literally months to live.

"Fine. While you are being changed, we will fake your death. A tragic accident in the woods I think, bear attack?" suggested Carlisle. We nodded and got to work while Amelia and Carlisle went upstairs so she could be as comfortable as possible for her change.

"So...where are we going next?" I asked. 3 days after we had finished faking Amelia's death.

"How about Scotland, there is some really nice country there..." suggested Jasper.

"Sounds good." came a voice from the stairs. We whipped around, and I have to say, Vampirism really suited Amelia.

**Soooooooooo....the end? Maybe...I think so...I may do a sequel though...wooot they are going to my home land next!**

**Thank-you to everybody who read and reviewed.**

**They** **mean a lot to me.**

**Weatherwitch.X.x.X**


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